Like tying her shoes

"It's not like we are in Key West. It's not like we are in Ghana. She travels internationally to conferences to study much more complicated things than this. This is like tying her shoes." - Another quotastic Tommy Boy moment to kick off the day, while making lunches this morning. Refering to our doctor's expertise and skillz to perform this surgery.

Today was the best day in a while. I was happy. No anxiety. It was delightful. I felt like myself. Energy and pleasant mood. Focused.  Tommy and I had some significant airing of laundry on some important topics. Could be it. And Or I am seeing the PDX crew forming and realizing how great it will be to see dear ones soon. Getting a calendar into place. Working on my work coverage plan. Validating that I am not crazy for preparing to take 2 to 3 months off from this working mom lifestyle. Preparing is theraputic. Folks are starting to rally,  leave sweet messages. It's helping. So thank you mucho much A LOT to those who have reached out.

Of course I am gobbling up moments with the kids. Really trying to be present ..  so cliché i know. But it's a cliché for a reason. Look at how the hair falls on Nels forehead or when Quinten tells me i give the best hugs, don't let go or understand Nels just said mommy 10 times in a row because he wants my undivided attention. Not a bad thing. Its what a child is suppose to do. So stop what I am doing. Kneel down on the floor and let him tackle me. Pure delight. Pure laughter.

Tom and I talked that this will be my own journey. Tis uncharted matties. Aaargh! There will be complications and set backs. There will be darkness and pain. There will be tears. Heart disease and this condition in particular is very fixable. It's not like cancer mixing chemo cocktails and shooting poison into my body. It's more predictable. My game changer is the toddler involved and how he is cared for and what shape this family will be in, at the end of all of this.

But I am starting to find some faith I will be ok. Eventually. The kids and Tom will be ok. Sooner than later. Like a rock climber finding cracks to grip with finger tips on sheer wall, I am finding faith.

Make Up Required?

One of the ladies that lives next door stopped by. I invited her in to come sit down. Ever talk to someone for 5 mins and its ok … but the next 5 mins just take the whole thing to a bizarro level? So anyhoo, she promise if they were ever going to put their place on the market, they'd come see us first. True to the word, she did. Honorable. But ya know, timing changed on our side of the fence so I play the new big S card (surgery). Next thing I know, I am getting a Mary Kay pitch. #toomuch

Heavy

I was writing a long post about my emotional mental state of mind. It is now gone. Cliff notes version: this sucks so much ass. Maybe a sign not to put much too much out there. Maybe another day.

Countdown to Blast Off

We are scheduled for surgery Aug 12th. July 31st I'll have my pre opt appt and I've also requested an additional consult w/ the surgeon. On our last appt two weeks ago she was pulled away so we didn't meet her. So ya know, just curious to meet her prior to having her up feel me up. I am just that kinda grrl.

On my own household scheduling front I am putting together my own calendar backing into this date and beyond. My dad and his wife Karolin from PDX are coming out to be with us during and right after. Then my sister from Cali for a few weeks to get us transitioned into the school year. Then our grrreat friend Carrie from PDX. Others have offered and you are most def on our back up roster as there will be undoubtedly holes to fill along the way. Remains to be seen what help we'll need after a month and a half. Just feels like the best thing to do is clone myself. Unfortunately I have a few parts on order, which will not arrive in time. So hence this care team AnnieTom devotees. If we didn't have a toddler, I am not sure we'd need a clone.

I do think twice about letting people that far in (e.g. to your home to see how you live up close is incredibly incredible intimate; think about it. you fully let them in on how you parent to how you treat your spouse to what your family eats. ugh.). However I really have no choice. We'll need the help. A) After Nelson was born, dad and karolin came out for over a week and got me back on my feet. I was such a mess and not a clue what would have happened without them. So I have that good experience to look back on and feel good that these two can see us at our worse and help patch us up. B) talked to a fellow patient. She confirmed my worst fears. In a good way. The first two weeks are incredibly brutal. More on her later.

And the H word. Help. Read recently that "help me" is one of the hardest things to say. Def not my strong suit. Understatement. And thank the lordie that the offers are starting to roll in. Karolin reminded me people do like to help. It makes someone feel good … so let them. So I am going to work on that nut for the next month. Very tough one to crack however when totally drugged, incapacitated yada yada, I could maaaaaaaybe be persuaded.

Organizing the heck out of this … whatever this is … is making me sorta feel better. As a project manager by day and mom by night, tis in my nature. I am making no color-coated TAR/time action report timelines but I am considering creating a binder for my house so people who do help in the house, can have something  to reference. And then I think I am freak for, well, freaking out about one month of hell. As my brother reminded me, I'll be just directing from the couch, still fully in the mix. I haven't bought off entirely on that one yet. <Insert a joke about a jump to conclusions map HERE or https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qiw3vVy_eN8.

Tommy Boy Quotations

This is just the first installment of Tommy Boy quotes. You will come to learn my personal saftey officer keeps it very real. Plus twisted humor. Love it. And him.

"Let's get psyched! Let's get psyched to spend our out of pocket maximums!!" - on the way to drs office for test/diagnosis

"Oh, ok. Just like my allergy pills." - comparing my future adjustment to blood thinner meds to his allergy meds

"Not unless there is an electromagnetic pulse." - discussing back up power options at the hospital failing

Perelman Chic

The building @ Penn we frequent most often is called the Perelman Center. This is what happens when you leave Annie waiting for her appts too long. She attempts creating couture out of paper gowns, she has a pose off with herself, etc, etc. As RuPaul would say, you gotta wrrrk! (as in wrrrk the runway grrrl!) 

Break it on down, one, two, three, four ….

"Since I haven't done this before, is this where I say thank you very much and see you soon … or do we negotiate?" said Annie to the surgeon trying to pin down a date.

Alas, I was thinking ya'll might have some serious questions before we get too far into funny quotes and what not. So enclosed is a link to go read up. Cliff notes version is that I was born with this. It is called Bicuspid Aortic Valve which is two leaflets instead of the three that look like the peace sign controlling the blood flow. With time, illness (endocardtitis) and child bearing (twice), the valve becomes less flexible and narrowed since its been overcompensating and calcified. The current diagnosis is severe aortic stenosis. I am barely tipping into the severe category and only starting to have symptoms like shortness of breath when I climb to the top of our three story twin or lug around 30lb toddler. Annoying. They want to catch it while I am uber healthy and not when I get very ill w heart failure b/c then there are complications piling up and makes recovery even more suckie. They are going to go in saw, snip snip, replace and sew. Click click click away I will go. Like I said, check out the link.

http://my.clevelandclinic.org/heart/disorders/bicuspid_aortic_valve_disease.aspx