Meaning, how much does my new mechanical carbon valve cost? We've been watching the insurance claims come in and scanning for how much the actual new jewelry cost. Let alone physicians fee v hospital fees or every single itemization. IE Itemization down to the every IV, shot, black comb or post-op bra - both hospital issued, of course. (Oh that's right. Post-op hospital issued bra. Of course it is exactly as you imagine sitting there with your scrunched up face. The most scratchy uncomfortable thing you could think to place on your skin.)
Point being, everything is itemized like the Pentagon. I remember a Phil Donohue episode (!) where they itemized items for the military made by/for the Pentagon. A hammer was crazy over the cost of buying it in the store. Of course I accept the fact this is how medicine in this country is billed, because otherwise I'd be crazy right now. Like in need of serious sedation.
Jewlery. That reference came from my quick witted brother. He has nicked named me Joules and I love it. Meaning my new carbon valve is my new jewelry.
And another little know fact is that I am now wired for wifi on the inside. No need to carry a silly wireless card with you anymore, as long as I am around. They wire your sternum shut and it doesn't dissolve. It stays. They look like twist ties. Will not be setting off any airport sensors etc. I've seen the X-ray. The valve looks like a ring. Ya'll know I've slowly incorporated more rings into my accessorizing, so this just fits.
Mind you, I haven't looked closely at the X-ray … I dare only gaze across the room b/c it kinda freaks me out. I do think its worth a pic and sharing eventually because it is a gross cool. At least thats what I am telling my self about that type of stuff which is the category my scar falls into too. Or the stitches on the incision that are internal, but coming out externally and supposedly falling off. It sincerely looks like an alien thing is coming out of me. But it's just thread. This last one is more gross than cool.
Another jewelry related item will be the medical bracelet I will now need to where to hereby declare I am a bionic woman on blood thinners. Yes a bit over the top to where a bracelet i.e. maybe not really needed -- per my logic, maybe 1 in a 1MM I'd ever need this where I couldn't speak for myself. But with two young kids, they deserve it; to have this treated seriously. Besides, I found some cute stuff online and engraved it with some funny business. It will be here in another few weeks.
And finally the click clack. Oh, we can hear it. You can too, if you get close enough to me. Its the open/close, open/close of the valve flaps. The second day I was home, out of the hum of the hospital, I called Tom over and was like, can you hear this? He leans down, listens for a nano second and pops up. "Whoa dude." So it sounds like a ticking of a watch. And most bizarre … like the sound of my mom's timex watch. Yes, my dead mother's watch. Insert Twilight Zone musak. I still have this watch as one of a few keepsakes. I don't wear it, I just look at it sometimes. "Bizarre" is obviously an understatement. The docs warned us you could hear the click clack afterwords. Hence part of the reason I named this site address tick tock click clack. We joked around I'd be coming down the hall at work and without seeing me, hey hey, here comes Annie! But its real. And I hear it. Nelson can also hear it and says mommy has a clock inside. (FYI, I have already grown tired of the Alligator in Peter Pan references aka it's not cute.) I hope it doesn't drive me batty.
Someone told me my subconscious will absorb it eventually and I will cease to hear it. And you know me … always to be one looking ahead … this can be one of the coolest party tricks of ALL time.
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| Yep. That's it. No shit. |
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