The Tribes, Free Shipping and The Roller Coaster

So many positive vibes sent my way after the last post especially. Muchas gracias amigos/Thank you friends. A bit remiss where to start this entry even tho it feels like I am overdue for a posting. I've set a standard for my blog entries and alas, the tank is feeling empty.

PS Did you know I have been posting to this blog since late June? Getting some Qs about how to reach the previous entries. For mobile phones try scrolling to the bottom and you might find a HOME button. On a computer, there is a left hand side bar where the entries are listed. This message brought to you by, Thanks for Reading & Sassy Pants. We now return you to the irregular scheduled broadcast.

Feeling sad-ish. Friday is my last day in the office. Coverage plans are under way at work meaning I am transitioning my work to other people. I have regrets. I understand the effects of asking people to do more with less. The team told me it would be different if I was going on a cruise for 3 months. True. Today's revelation: letting go of my work. I was literally excited last week to have so much time out of the office. This sensation is nothing I was expecting. Just like my upcoming child care situation, I have to accept my role will be done differently by others. If you don't know me from the work sphere, I actually really care about my job, my team, the people I work with. I consider them a part of my tribe and I am part of theirs. I spend a third of my day there. They could not be better about the whole situation unfolding. They've been telling me since I broke the news, don't worry about a thing here; we'll be fine. And my honest reaction was like, well yeah, duh. You guys rule; no sweat. But now I see the wave of extra work headed into their shore and now, just now, I am understanding why they have been telling me not to worry about them.

Tommy Boy reminded me its 20 days from now. "Just think, at this time 20 days from now you will be having the most peaceful sleep ever. No toddler to wake you up." Too bad I'll be high when I wake up. Oh wait, maybe not such a bad thing? In any case, felt like something is closing in on me. Ticking (punny!) down to the last day in the office is just causing me some angst in the same category (closing in on me) and fearful I can't get it all done. I tried to make a manageable punch list of less than 10 things to do before I am out for leave. Lets just say progress is not on my side. The excitement of seeing out of town peeps in not much on my frontal lobe buoying me.

Luckily, when I got home to the next third of today, someone came bursting into the mudroom to greet me. I asked for an extra hug and got one. Then I immediately learned there was a mega news flash he had to tell me about right then and there. I hope you are ready internets…. Several lego movie action sets get …. FREE SHIPPING! Wow. I know. Backstory: This is from a kid who counted his piggy bank this weekend and set up a lemonade stand and asked for extra chores all in order to get more moola for what? Lego sets, of course. Way to recenter me Q.

This past weekend Tommy Boy went to see his fraternity brothers for a 25th anniversary charity golf type thing in Wooster, Ohio. "Are you sure I should go" convos were held at least five times in my house, least you think the guy is insensitive. Quite the opposite.  I was like keep the trip because a) we pre-paid and b) go get your ya-ya's out b/c the next two months will not be fun and c) go connect with a forgotten tribe could be a cool experience. And so glad it was.

First two days of his trip I felt ok. I was disappointed to not be feeling well the later two. What I consider slight over exertion - pulling a wagon of giggling boys - proved to not be a good idea. Made me tired with that crappy low blood sugar feeling. Next day, I hired a sitter to be at the house with me while I paid bills, laundry, dishes et al which even at 100%, without a partner to wrangle ankle biters, those tasks would be more difficult.

The emotional impact of not being the parent I want to be is brutal. In addition to slowly seeing my physical capacity to parent erode, my mental capacity is in a full nose dive. You've seen that crazy lady yell at her kids for no apparent good reason and thought horrible things about her and wished those kids something better. I hate to report that I am her now. I let lose over the wrong things. I yell. I unleash. They don't deserve that. Tommy Boy has been getting horrible treatment too. If you want to pray for anyone, you should pray for him.

Don't worry. I'll be fine in another moment. I know I am just running low on patience and overwhelmed here and there. It is bound to happen. I did warned you in my first post we'd play out all angles of this gig here. Saylor Inc is on a roll coaster. You are reading this, so you are along for the ride.