Like tying her shoes

"It's not like we are in Key West. It's not like we are in Ghana. She travels internationally to conferences to study much more complicated things than this. This is like tying her shoes." - Another quotastic Tommy Boy moment to kick off the day, while making lunches this morning. Refering to our doctor's expertise and skillz to perform this surgery.

Today was the best day in a while. I was happy. No anxiety. It was delightful. I felt like myself. Energy and pleasant mood. Focused.  Tommy and I had some significant airing of laundry on some important topics. Could be it. And Or I am seeing the PDX crew forming and realizing how great it will be to see dear ones soon. Getting a calendar into place. Working on my work coverage plan. Validating that I am not crazy for preparing to take 2 to 3 months off from this working mom lifestyle. Preparing is theraputic. Folks are starting to rally,  leave sweet messages. It's helping. So thank you mucho much A LOT to those who have reached out.

Of course I am gobbling up moments with the kids. Really trying to be present ..  so cliché i know. But it's a cliché for a reason. Look at how the hair falls on Nels forehead or when Quinten tells me i give the best hugs, don't let go or understand Nels just said mommy 10 times in a row because he wants my undivided attention. Not a bad thing. Its what a child is suppose to do. So stop what I am doing. Kneel down on the floor and let him tackle me. Pure delight. Pure laughter.

Tom and I talked that this will be my own journey. Tis uncharted matties. Aaargh! There will be complications and set backs. There will be darkness and pain. There will be tears. Heart disease and this condition in particular is very fixable. It's not like cancer mixing chemo cocktails and shooting poison into my body. It's more predictable. My game changer is the toddler involved and how he is cared for and what shape this family will be in, at the end of all of this.

But I am starting to find some faith I will be ok. Eventually. The kids and Tom will be ok. Sooner than later. Like a rock climber finding cracks to grip with finger tips on sheer wall, I am finding faith.